Tag Archives: happy relationship

The Psychological Secrets to a “Happy Marriage”

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Since centuries the role of matrimony has been discussed, dissected and discoursed upon, ad nauseam! Since time immemorial philosophers, poets, religious leaders, spiritualists, psychologists and social anthropologists alike have tried to solve the mystery question to what constitutes a happy matrimony. Cynics have even called that phrase an impossible oxymoron. However, the office of marriage still thrives amidst every culture and people still want to know, “What are the secrets to a guaranteed happy marriage?”

Good news and bad news! The bad news (actually not!) is that there is no given secret formula to it. The good news is every couple has the secret within their own unique dynamic to make it so, IF they put in effort to maintain certain psychological and emotional wellness of the relationship.


In most pockets of India, even today the man and the woman within marriage are not considered equals. However, a marriage is a bond between two equal shareholders. A matrimony  where both partners aren’t self assured enough to treat the other person as their equal, without feeling threatened or defensive, is bound to undergo deterioration over time.
In our culture, people at times quote ancient religious texts and mythologies at times to justify the lesser or subservient role of a wife to her husband. But every Indian groom and bride must also remember the equally opposite legacy of “equality within marriage”, depicted in the same ancient texts. Our Puranas clearly talk about Shiva and Shakti being equal and same. In any wedlock, that same essence needs to be recreated for a mutually respectful and happy long haul.


The greatest emotional foundation to a Happy Marriage is – surprise! – not great chemistry, nor family affluence, nor any other version of compatibility – rather it’s ‘Friendship’. In Buddhism there’s a beautiful word for Love, called Maitri. Maitri essentially means ‘Loving Friendliness’ that one holds, feels and deliberately practices towards their object of Love. Imagine if you first and foremost forge a deep friendship with your spouse, and are committed to treat him or her as your Best Friend, how easy the rest of the matrimonial nuances would automatically become. Things that you would never do to your best friend now translates into things you would never even feel like doing within the sacred wedlock. Hurt, manipulative behaviors, abuse, violence in speech or action, losing interest, betrayal, cheating – some if these potent marriage killers by default lose out moment partners build their matrimonial life in a deep friendship with each other.


To have compassion for anyone implies extending them your patient listening, your tolerant understanding, your proactive presence to ease their struggles in every manner. In every culture, all religious leaders and cultural voices have hailed Compassion as a vital game changer for everything in life. Same goes for a happy married life. Practicing compassion towards one’s spouse doesn’t equate to pitying them as weak but to treat them as one’s own self and be there for them as one would fit themselves. This psychological stance radically strengthens any wedding bond.

Non reaction

No, we aren’t talking about passive aggressive non-reaction or silent treatment! We are talking about a calm and detached objectivity that can save any relationship from every interpersonal crisis, more so within a marriage relationship. Hasty judgments, hissing jealousy, incorrect conclusions drawn and reactive speeches have ruined more marriages than any other practical issues. For both partners to develop an attitude of calm non-reaction and “Practising the Pause” before addressing an issue goes a long way in forging deeper trust, better communication and more effective partnership.

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Are You Fighting Fair? Beware Of These Mistakes While Fighting With Your Spouse

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There is no single marriage where you don’t go through stressful moments, fights and arguments. Such stressful and tensed moments between the couples should be handled with calm and constructive talks that dissipate stress level and increase your bonding. Or you are fighting just to win the argument no matter what you are saying to your partner to win the fight. You should always remember that happy couples are not those who are not fighting, but those who are fighting fair and self-evaluate their single word before saying it. Let’s take a look at a few mistakes that you should not do while fighting with your spouse.

Don’t fight in public: This is one thing you should not forget and follow as mandatory rule of your married life. You should never fight with your spouse in front of public. It is not only embarrassing for you as couple, but creates awkward situation for all. If it is in front of family, friends or neighbors, nobody wants to see the fighting couple. Anyway, a public fight will never give you any advantage, neither you will be able to solve it publicly. Therefore, it is advisable to avoid fighting publically.

Never fight in front of your kids: Make it a rule that you should never fight in front of your kids. Your kids are not supposed to see the heated moments. It scares them and gives them a feeling that there is something wrong between you and your spouse. It gives them a sense of insecurity and uncertainty in the relationship. These little kids are not mature enough to understand the heated arguments and the reasons behind that.

Don’t fight to hurt other: When we fight, we always forget that what we should say and what not. It is more about winning the momentary arguments at any cost. That is not the right way of fighting. During such heated arguments, you forget to filter your words and you said many things you never want to say or not meant actually. So, don’t fight to hurt the sentiments of your partner.

Fight for a reason: At times, when we are edgy and irritated, we easily got sparked up. In such kinds of tensed and edgy mood we easily get into any heated argument without even realizing that we are not fighting or arguing for the right reason. In such stressed and tensed situation try to avoid any discussion or talks which could easily turn into heated argument.

Always get ready with stop button: If you think that your fight is taking another direction or you are diverting fight from the actual point, it is better to press for the stop button. It is not fair to drag multiple things and points in your fight all the time. If you are annoyed or angry over single issue on a particular day, then be clear and talk about that only, don’t drag dead topics in between.

Don’t involve your in-laws: It is between you and your spouse, no third person should be involved in your fights unless or until the things are out of hand. Stand for your words and speak up your mind, but don’t go for the blame game in your fight. It is always easy to sort out the issues together, rather than involving the in-laws and giving it altogether a new direction.