One will find reams and reams of writing on the complexity of a Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law relationship, but one hardly finds much advice, even on matrimonial websites, on how an Indian Bride can forge a healthy relationship with the father of the Indian Groom, i.e, the Father-in-Law and the importance of such ties.
In our patriarchal society, even though men are heads of the families and take all the major decisions, the truth is, it is the women who control the behind-the-scene actions. Be it managing the inter-connected , complicated relationships between various family members, the business of the running of the house, looking after the family members etc. The men, especially the father take a backseat.
An Indian girl grows up in the loving and pampering care of her family, especially her father. To a girl, her father is the best man ever. Upon matrimony, when she leaves the cocooned comfort of her father’s home and steps in the matrimonial home, the Indian bride is expected to deep dive and be a part of her new family from the word go. It is unfair. Even though there are more nuclear families these days, such expectations are still prevalent.
This is where the father-in-law can play an important role. He can pseudo step in the shoes of the bride’s father and take his daughter-in-law under his wing. It is essential for a newly wedded Indian bride to understand this. She is not expected to look up to the Indian groom’s father as her father because emotionally that is not possible, but she can look up to her father-in-law as a friend and a guide.
Look at this way, the father-in-law, though he takes a backseat in the day to day functioning of the house, knows everyone in the family well enough. The father-in-law can initiate his new daughter-in-law to understand every person in her new family, what works with what and whom. He can even stand up for her or mediate in case of misunderstandings or problems; something a mother-in-law or husband usually does not do. By creating a relationship of mutual trust and understanding with her father-in-law, the new Indian bride can slowly make inroads and her place in her matrimonial home.
An Indian bride should, therefore, make efforts (even before the matrimony) to find out more about her father-in-law: his routine, his favorite foods, his interests and tastes, his childhood and youth memories, his friends and even his problems. Such efforts will allow the daughter-in-law to create a warm and healthy friendship with her husband’s father; almost like a father and daughter relationship.
Remember, even though it is the women who rule the house, the father-in-law is the head of the family. When it comes to crises or serious family tension, he is expected to stand up and take a call/decision. It is essential for an Indian bride to be in a favorable relationship with her father-in-law because more often than not, he will stand up to her and support her.